What's all this about?
This is a car that's all about the numbers. Big numbers. Huge numbers. Stupidly massive numbers, so large they threaten to develop their own gravitational field and suck in the Earth and all who live on her. Say hello to the Bugatti Chiron, the successor to the Veyron - and, in order to show that it has moved on from the Veyron and also comprehensively destroyed the likes of the out-of-production LaFerrari, McLaren P1 and Porsche 918, this thing develops the sort of power that previously only existed in the heads of fevered fantasists.
Come on, then, what sort of data are we talking about?
The Chiron's monumental 8.0-litre, quad-turbo W16 unit - a substantial development of the Veyron motor - punts out 1,500hp at 6,700rpm. It backs that up with 1,600Nm of torque from 2,000- to 6,000rpm. Despite weighing 1,995kg, its four-wheel drive system, seven-speed DSG transmission and two-stage turbocharging (only two of the blowers work at low revs for instant response, before all four kick in at 3,800rpm for maximum destructive punch) allow for some preposterous performance.
Such as?
How about 0-62mph in less than 2.5 seconds? How about a top speed, in four of its five driving modes, of 236mph? Not enough for you? Switch into Top Speed mode and it'll hit 261mph... which is still limited for road use, so Piech alone knows what it would do unfettered. The speedo runs up to 310mph, which is 500km/h in European money.
Money - let's talk about that. How much?
You'll need about £1.9 million, as each of the 500 Chirons that will be built will cost €2.4 million. Fully a third of the production run has already been spoken for and reports state that one buyer has slapped more than a million quid down in deposits alone so that they can have six of the buggers.
Crikey. Can you tell me a bit more about the Chiron's other details?
The styling is clearly based on the Veyron's look but features eight headlights and a new full-width light bar at the rear. Its body is made entirely of carbon fibre, it sits on an adaptive chassis - a first for Bugatti - and it has active aerodynamics. The brakes are colossal 420/400mm front/rear discs clamped by eight-pot/six-pot callipers respectively; you need serious stoppers to haul down two tonnes from the double ton. Inside are TFT dials in an aluminium housing that display less and less information the faster you go, so that you're not distracted while you're closing in on 250mph on Swindon's ring road presumably, while the Bug has an Accuton sound system, full connectivity functions and even electromagnetic compatibility to ensure the security of its super-rich occupants.
And when does it go on sale?
In autumn this year. Don't bother. If you've not already ordered one from your gigantic stockpile of cash, you're unlikely to bag one now on a decent PCP deal.
Can you give me any economy and CO2 figures?
Get out. No, seriously; get out. Actually, we'll give you one fact - flat knacker, the Chiron would empty its 100-litre fuel tank in nine minutes... during which time, you'd have travelled about 39 miles. Wow.
Matt Robinson - 1 Mar 2016
