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Rolls heads for the woods. Image by Rolls-Royce.

Rolls heads for the woods
Rolls-Royce officially confirms that it will launch an SUV model.
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I say Carruthers, the world really is officially going to hell in a hand cart.

Really, Lord Ponsonby? What makes you say that?

Well, quite apart from the Telegraph kowtowing to the ruddy Midland bank and poor people saying they're entitled to a slice of one's cash, Rolls-Royce has said that it's going to build some sort of damned agricultural machine.

*spits Earl Grey across room*

Yes, I thought that would be your reaction. There's an open letter here from that Torsten Mueller-Otvoes fella, the one in charge down there in Chichester these days, that says Rolls is going to be build a vehicle that can cross any terrain. Something that "is as much about the pioneering, adventurous spirit of Charles Rolls as it is about Sir Henry Royce's dedication to engineering and innovation." You know what that means, dontcher? An SUV. An SUV made by Rolls-Royce! The school run at Eaton will be choked with the things by 2017.

Heavens above!

Quite, quite. He goes on: "Many discerning customers have urged us to develop this new car - and we have listened. At Rolls-Royce Motor Cars we are uniquely focused on the desires of our customers and are driven by our own thirst to innovate. So we challenged our engineers and design team, led by Director of Design Giles Taylor, to create a different and exceptional new car. This car will embody all the values and capabilities that drove our two Founding Fathers to secure Rolls-Royce's reputation, early last century, by taking top honours in rigorous overland adventures such as the Scottish Reliability Trials, the London to Edinburgh event and the Alpine Trials."

"Rolls-Royces conveyed pioneers and adventurers like Lawrence of Arabia across the vastness of unexplored deserts and over mountain ranges. In other parts of the world including Australia, India and the Americas, Rolls-Royces carried their owners over challenging terrain with absolute reliability and comfort."

Well, that's a bit of a rum do, isn't it m'lud?

It certainly is Carruthers. And do you know the worst part? It might be built in the US of ruddy-hecking-A! Some crowd of Johnny-Foreigner types called BMW who gave Rolls a few shillings some years back are working on their own massive 4x4, called the X7 and that's going to be built in Alabama. Or New Westhampnett as I insist on calling it. The new Roller is going to share so many parts with it that it might as well be built by Yanks!

Oh dear, Lord Ponsonby. Whatever shall we do?

Well, I'm disgusted. All this SUV malarkey, it'll come to no good you know. I'm going to cancel the order for my new Rolls and switch to those nice chaps at Bentley. No 4x4 mucking about there!

Errr, I think I might have some disappointing news for you m'lud...

Neil Briscoe - 18 Feb 2015    - Rolls-Royce road tests
- Rolls-Royce news
- images

Rolls-Royce gathers whole range in Geneva. Image by Rolls-Royce.
Rolls-Royce gathers whole range in Geneva
Bespoke and Black Badge products dominate Rolls-Royce show of strength.
Rolls-Royce takes Cullinan to Monterey. Image by Rolls-Royce.
Rolls-Royce takes Cullinan to Monterey
The 'Rolls-Royce of SUVs' will form centrepiece of large Bespoke collection display in California.
Rolls-Royce gears up for Goodwood. Image by Rolls-Royce.
Rolls-Royce gears up for Goodwood
'Blow-Up' Silver Cloud will be star of Rolls-Royce's Goodwood display.

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