The man in the suit stops talking, the lights dim. Six drummers emerge from behind massive screens staggered at either side of the stage, bashing out a disorienting rhythm. One of them loses a drumstick tip and whacks me on the forehead (this is absolutely true).
Then, amid the razzmatazz, three new M-Classes creep onto the stage. Missile attack aside, this could be any other new car unveil at any motor show.
But by this point we in the crowd already feel like we know the M-Class intimately, even though we've never seen it in full. There are two reasons for that: we've just spent all day being briefed on Mercedes' new SUV in minute detail, and it looks like the old one.
Mercedes' evolutionary approach is understandable; in its domestic market, the company credits the M-Class with pioneering a ten-fold increase in SUV sales since 2000, from 30,000 to 300,000.
You've already seen
the pictures of the car and had the headline detail - the fact that the hybrid version will be the cleanest SUV on sale, with 54.3mpg, for example - but what's striking about the M-Class in the flesh is its interior. We've stroked it.
Of course, the cars on the stage are loaded to the hilt with stuff that will be optional in the UK, some decked out in quilted leather Designo trim - the name for Mercedes' customisation options.
However, the leap in quality and space is significant. Here is yet another new Mercedes-Benz, following the
SLK and
CLS, which is right there with the very best in the class.
Mercedes is adamant that it will perform properly off road, and there's an optional switchable dynamics package called ON&OFFROAD (which we assume you don't have to scream) that has six driving modes, including Sport, Winter, and two different off-road settings. Yes, it's just like Land Rover's system.
It also has an adjustable anti-roll bar setup on both axles called ACTIVE CURVE SYSTEM (again, no shouting required). By stiffening them up during cornering, body control is improved, so the M-Class shouldn't corner like a hippo on rollerblades. At the same time, we're promised the comfort of a luxury saloon.
On the safety front we get a load of crash mitigating stuff, including drowsiness detection and warning, night vision with person recognition, brake assist and lane keep assist.
Mercedes is really banging the drum for this thing, but whether the M-Class can live up to the hype - and the very strong pack of cars it vies with - remains to be seen.
Mark Nichol - 10 Jun 2011