FIVE: Prescription windscreen

Auto Windscreens unveiled a very elaborately staged, if unoriginal, prescription windscreen campaign. Ford did the same thing in 2008 - bit short sighted of Auto Windscreens, you might say. Boom!

Anyway, the company went as far as to make a video with British Touring Car driver Tom Chilton, claiming his championship car will have one fitted for the season. Shame they don't do a helmet visor too - Michael Schumacher's agent might be interested.

FOUR: Fill up once per year

The beauty of SEAT's '10,000 miles on a single tank' campaign is that it made an almost believable headline. In the context of headlines about Shell Eco Marathon cars reaching 3,000mpg, a story about 10k on one tank isn't that far fetched.

Until you discover that the gag revolves around a 545-litre tank placed in the cabin of a Leon Ecomotive in lieu of the back seats. 'If you ding it at Tesco, it won't burst into flame, honest guv,' said a SEAT PR person (or words to that effect). Almost had us there.

THREE: Festival of Speed guff

Goodwood Festival of Speed (FoS) organisers claimed they'd be lowering the overall emissions of the show by powering it using the rectal gasses of its herd of cattle.

The methane would be used to generate electricity, reducing the number of petrol-powered generators on the FoS site. 'The organisers deserve a real pat on the back,' said a supporter of the scheme. Nice try.

TWO: Satnav for fat cats

Infiniti announced Gastronomi on April 1st, a system that detects the executive hunger pangs of its drivers then guides them to the most appropriate eatery. That doesn't sound too inventive at first.

Except the Infiniti ruse works using three symbiotic systems: Active Noise Control detects rumbling tummies, Forest Air climate control sends the delicious smell of truffle oil into the cabin as a tantalising appetiser, and then the Connectiviti info screen asks the driver if he'd like to eat. To Little Chef!

ONE: Move! Tory coming through

Well, it's hardly likely to be a Liberal Democrat supporter in the M6 Convertible, is it? Stereotyping, us? April 1st saw the introduction of the coloured Beemer roundel, allowing buyers to literally glue their political badge to the prow. The famously blue and white BMW propeller could, for the first time, be had in yellow or red too.

The system, called the Political Roundel Attachment Tag (PRAT) was lauded by someone at BMW called Uwe Beanhadde. Amazing that there's a person with that name at BMW. What are the chances? We suggest he has the day off next April 1st.

Mark Nichol - 1 Apr 2010