Styling
The JCW takes the styling of the regular Aceman models (Acemen?) and gives the hot version the usual sporty overtones you'd expect. This includes mainly black detailing for much of the exterior highlights, plus those red, white and black 'chequered flag' JCW logos in key places. The bumpers are beefed up at both ends of the car, there's a fairly chunky roof spoiler construction going on (but it doesn't massively stand out, thanks to the Aceman's black C-pillar and fade-to-black roof colour arrangement), and to complete the set then 19-inch alloy wheels are bolted into the arches. As we've always liked the way the Aceman looks, MINI's JCW overtures here hardly hurt the aesthetic appeal of this performance-oriented compact crossover.
Interior
Again, the usual MINI Aceman cabin - which is rather nice, all told - is basically given a smattering of red details to make you aware you're in the faster model. This is principally observed on the passenger side of the knitted-effect fascia, as well as that strip of fabric which forms the lower third spoke of the substantial steering wheel, and then for all the stitching you find on the seats, door cards and aforementioned wheel. There's a JCW-specific power-and-torque display for the 9.4-inch circular infotainment screen, which presents itself when you click the car into its raciest 'Go-Kart' mode, but aside from that it's all broadly 'as you were' for the cabin of the flagship Aceman. Although we have to say its bucket front seats aren't quite as bucket as you might like; they could do with a bit more support and hold, in truth.
Practicality
The Aceman is more practical than a three-door MINI hatch, but that's not saying a great deal because a three-door MINI hatch is an ideal example of how
not to package a small car. However, take nothing away from this crossover, as it has just about enough room in row two for a couple of adults to get comfortable, while the 300-litre boot is - if not spectacular - at least reasonably useful. Fold the second row of seating down in the JCW Aceman and you get a smidge more than 1,000 litres of cargo capacity.
Performance
When it's running on its time-limited 'Boost' phase, activated by clicking a red-circle-emblazoned paddle behind the steering wheel, this JCW Aceman is the joint most-powerful front-driven MINI we've yet seen, with the exception of the madcap and limited-production
GP3. The Aceman will kick out up to 258hp, although it makes at least 231hp all the time, and that means it's good enough for a 6.4-second 0-62mph time. That does place it half-a-second behind the related (and also all-new) JCW Electric that uses precisely the same hardware, because the Aceman is carrying an additional 95 kilos of mass, and it's also slower than the 231hp petrol-powered JCW hatch, which'll do the benchmark sprint in 6.1 seconds mainly because it's more than 400kg trimmer. Yikes.
Not that this relative lack of acceleration in the MINI hierarchy matters too much. Because, for a reason we shall come onto in the next section of the review, frankly 258hp and 350Nm of electric power feels like way too much for the JCW Aceman to realistically and effectively apply to the tarmac anyway. Opt for full power and the steering wheel bucks and writhes in your hands as the front-driven MINI wildly torque-steers its way up the road. Now, there is a small school of enthusiasts who approve of this unruly behaviour, as it shows a wilder side to a performance car, but there's a dividing line between the point a trace of torque-steer might be acceptable and encouraging, and then when a whole dose of the stuff becomes frustratingly tiresome, and sadly the Aceman has gone beyond that threshold into the realm where it just feels ill-resolved. A limited-slip diff, electronically controlled or otherwise, on the leading axle might have helped here, but no such tech is fitted to this JCW.
Ride & Handling
Normally, when it comes to this section of a car review, we will indeed break the vehicle in question's dynamics down into the two main sections: we'll look at the ride, and assess whether it's comfortable enough for the machine's primary remit; and then we'll balance that off against the way it handles. If the car's supposed to be sporty in the first place, then you accept a tougher ride (to a degree) as long as it corners sweetly.
Unfortunately, we can remember next to nothing of the handling - or, indeed, any of the other kinematic behaviours of the JCW Aceman - because its suspension is abysmal. Absolutely abysmal. It is so preposterously firmly sprung and damped that, 15 minutes after having driven it, you won't be able to recall a single detail about how the steering feels, what the body control is like, whether there's any sense of the trailing axle being an active part in cornering proceedings, and if MINI has got the rolling refinement sorted out to a good standard, because all you can remember is the utterly atrocious ride - it's
that domineering a facet of its personality.
We drove it for 36 miles on a mixed route around the Cotswolds, and we got out of it feeling vaguely travel-sick and vowing that we'd never, ever drive a JCW Aceman again, at least until MINI's engineers have another look at the suspension settings and make some drastic revisions. If a friend bought one and offered us a lift in it, even only a few miles to the train station, we'd flat refuse to get in. If MINI's representatives at this UK launch had provided one for us free to drive the 100-odd miles from the Cotswolds back to Nottinghamshire at the end of the event, we'd have walked instead.
It is just stupidly tough in all aspects of its comportment. It jitters and crashes as you attempt to creep around town, weaving around even the smallest surface imperfection your eyes can see in a vain effort to make the Aceman more comfortable, at speeds of less than 30mph. Above there and up to about 50-55mph, it manifests a horrid, high-frequency, pogo-like bouncing that simply
will not stop, no matter what the condition of the asphalt, so that you feel like one of those cans of emulsion at a DIY store's 'mix paint to match your colour' scheme that has been trapped in the mixing machine and subsequently forgotten about by an employee, forced to be violently shaken up and down at speed for the rest of eternity. Attempt to get up to motorway pace and the MINI still fails to settle itself, although it's at 70mph on a dual carriageway where it is just about at its most bearable (that's a relative term, you understand).
But it came to something when, while on the test drive and on our own in the car, we found ourselves eventually bellowing "WILL YOU JUST CALM THE [expletive deleted] DOWN?!" at what is - at the end of the day - an inanimate object, as the JCW Aceman frenetically and incessantly jiggled down the road.
Sorry, MINI - you can try and claim customers want this from their JCW, but we have no idea who would be able to live with this for the two or three years of a typical lease/PCP deal, without returning it after a few days of travelling in it. This ride quality is plainly awful and it totally dominates every single thing the Aceman does.
Value
The MINI JCW Aceman is precisely eight grand more than a base-spec
Aceman E and exactly £5,000 on top of the mid-grade
Aceman SE, and there's a good level of standard kit on the flagship to justify the near-£37,000 basic price. It's also only £2,000 more than the JCW Electric three-door, with its added practicality, so this newest Aceman seems competitively priced.
But that's only if you accept the car on a static, showroom basis only. Once you've factored in the way it drives, we think £36,905 for the JCW Aceman is way too much. And if you end up dropping enough on optional extras to take it beyond the 40-grand barrier, then we'd respectfully say you need your head examined.
Verdict
We're sorry, but the MINI JCW Aceman is a promising car comprehensively ruined by the current suspension set-up. It's not enjoyable to drive. It's not raw. It's just unacceptable how this car rides and carries itself at all times. So having driven the SE overseas and worried about its firm behaviour there on super-smooth Danish roads, then tried an E back here and been outright alarmed at the way it dealt with a poor-quality B-road, the JCW has gone all the way and confirmed that there's something fundamentally wrong with the way the Aceman is set up.
But don't take our word for it. Have a go in one of its rivals, like the excellent
Alfa Romeo Junior Veloce. Or the equally brilliant
Abarth 600e. Or even a few hatchbacks, like the polished
Cupra Born, or maybe even the flawed but fast
MG 4 XPower. All of these would be far preferable to live with than the outrageous JCW Aceman. Yet if you think we're on an anti-MINI downer here, nothing could be further from the truth. So if you still want a JCW crossover from this British company, then good news: go and get yourself a
JCW Countryman. It's not electric-powered and it'll cost you £42,750, but it is immeasurably better in every dynamic respect than the fatally flawed JCW Aceman.
