BED AND BREAKFAST - BIZARRE STORIES!!

Nudity and guests’ underwear feature large in the lives of the UK’s top landladies, according to the AA.

The naked truth is exposed in a survey of finalists from 3500 landladies (and gentlemen) featured in the AA Bed and Breakfast Guide 2000, from which the AA Landlady of the Year will be chosen. The winner and runners-up will be announced on Tuesday 23 May in London. But here’s a snapshot of their experiences according to the survey - only Basil Fawlty is missing.

Bacon...
Margaret Child from Rock Farm, Derbyshire, feared for her grill pan when a guest bought in her knickers looking wet and muddy after a walk on the moors. The guest asked if she could place them under the grill to dry along with the bacon. Mrs Child diplomatically grilled the bacon and placed the soggy undies on the radiator.

...and Eggs
After a frantic search to find a missing boy at East Lochhead Country House and Cottages, Refrewshire, the eight-year-old was found safe and well, sitting in the hen house waiting for an egg to be laid. He was spellbound, as the only eggs he had ever seen before came in boxes from the supermarket. Unfortunately, the hens were completely put off laying.

Through the Keyhole
Guests can behave strangely when they lose the door keys. Unlocking the door one night, landlady Margaret McLaughlan from Craggallon in Ayr was shocked to find one of her guests on the doorstep wearing only his vest. He pushed past saying he didn’t have a key and the last thing she saw was his rear view disappearing up the stairs

Another young guest returned late at night to Mrs Martin’s B&B, Mount Royd Country Home, Co Donegal. He couldn’t find his key, and rather than disturb anyone, he decided to sleep in an unlocked car in the car park. The car belonged to Mr Martin who drove all the way to work before discovering his passenger snoring happily under a pile of coats.

One evening Michael & Sheila Fogerty of Killyon, Co.Meath, looked out of the window to see a pair of legs and a kilt dangling from a tree. Their guest had become stuck while trying to return to his room without disturbing his sleeping wife. He had to be rescued to avoid a 20ft fall.

Bed (&Breakfast) Clothes
Americans have been known to misjudge the breakfast dress code. One floated down to breakfast in her night-dress at Hollow Tree Farm in Wells, Somerset, and a South American gentleman presented himself for breakfast wearing only his white designer underpants at Upper Newton Farmhouse, Kinnersley, Herefordshire.

Plumb crazy
The temptation for a touch of DIY proved too much for a group of guests at Higher Cadham Farm in Devon. Noises from the bathroom awoke landlady Jenny King who rose to find a trio of naked men tinkering with the plumbing.

A van crashing in to the conservatory of the Newton House Hotel in Knaresborough, North Yorkshire didn’t only cause structural damage to the roof tiles and the gutter. Unknown to the landlady’s husband, who dashed out to investigate, the impact fractured a downpipe, as he found to his cost when a guest flushed the loo at that same moment.

Changing Rooms French-Style
Having remarked to her husband that they had had no French guests, Patricia Fry-Foley, from The Old Rectory in Somerset was pleased when two French people booked in - a man and a woman in separate rooms. The following morning, she was amused to find two lots of hair on the pillows in the lady’s room and a black suspender belt tied to the bedpost.

Room (Super) Service
Above and beyond the call of duty, some landladies have saved the day for guests in a fix. An Oxford landlady moved heaven and earth to make sure a guest left for his holiday abroad after he had left his passport at home in Northern Ireland. Linda Townend, of The Olde Bath Arms Restaurant, Somerset, organised a family reunion. And Pat Hicks at Shamwari in Axminster, Devon, made sure that a young male guest was in freshly ironed clothes and delivered on time for his first interview.

Aileen Kennedy from Newlands Country House in Ireland took on a mammoth task when a young couple from Scotland who had stayed with her previously, phoned to ask her help in arranging their wedding in Kilkenny. She did everything from organising the church, paying deposits, ordering the cake, booking the bride to be in to the hairdresser’s, and even altering the bridesmaid’s dress. Eventually the big day arrived and everything went smoothly, much to Aileen and the happy couple’s delight.

No Vacancies
It seems that people who take up a career running a top class B&B need to be versatile to cope with the trials. Their previous experience includes life as an airhostess, chemist, receptionist, farmer, teacher, insurance broker, tax collector and a nurse.