I think we can all agree that the majority of our beloved, athletic heroes aren't known for their superior intellects. Ask yourself, do you ever cringe when a superstar, on your favorite team, opens his mouth to an interviewer's question? Can you guess, with a certain degree of accuracy, what his cliché will be? Yeah, me too.

I bring this up, because we have the Super Bowl coming up in a few weeks, and with that, comes the ever-dreadful, media week. Can you say "over-saturation"? Small wonder, then, reporters are reduced to asking ridiculous questions, from, "Which one of your teammates has the largest shoe size," to "Paper or plastic?"

It would appear that these bland, overused comments have little to no meaning. But, upon further review, we have a reversal. These comments DO have meaning. And in the interest of investigating reporting, I have dug up the real meaning of all this drivel. So, without further ado, God-willing, I bring you, the essence of the quote, from today's athlete. If I stay within myself, of course.

1. "Stay within myself, ourselves" - This one is simple. This just means, "We'll be fine, as long as we don't screw everything up." Can also be translated into, "If we would quit playing with ourselves." Especially popular with baseball players.
2. "Give it 110%" - Want proof athletes never went to class? This is it.
3. "If we let things come to us" - This is a synonym for "Stay within ourselves" applied to the opposing team. Former Chiefs coach, Marty Schottenheimer, built a career on this philosophy.
4. "Take it one day, play at a time" - Nothing demonstrates the attention span of today's athlete better than this cliché. If this is lacking, then number one follows it straight to the crapper.
5. "If we just execute" - Also related to "Stay within ourselves." Often paired with "Preparation." Coaches fall back on this when their team rolls craps. In other words, "Hell, it ain't my fault. We prepared them, but they didn't execute." Unfortunately, or better still, fortunately, for the coaching staff, this excuse won't save their jobs.
6. "We'll learn from this" - This always proceeds a down-in-the-gutter, alley-way, ass-kicking. Kind of a summary of all their excuses. And generally, no they won't.
7. "We don't get any respect" - A common one from the Chiefs locker room. Another way of saying, "No, we haven't won the big one."
8. "We control our own destiny" - Some destinies end in champagne, some in pain. The only difference is the winners know it, and the losers talk about it. Like the Sports Illustrated cover jinx, this is the kiss of death. It's not till after it's said, that someone realizes there's no one behind the wheel.
9. "We're a team of destiny" - Translated, "We're praying for another miracle." See Tennessee Titans.
10. "We had something to prove" - No one ever has a clue what was proven, however. It could be, that they ended a seven game losing streak. This is interchangeable with "It was a long time coming." Cynical fans often reply, "Yeah, like looking into a mirror, while cashing that check."
11. "He's a competitor" - This can mean several things. He's in the final year of his contract, is one. Or, it can mean teammates are praying that he's going to save their asses on Sunday.
12. "I want to come back, but I know this a business" - Means, "I don't give a shitfish where I play, just SHOW ME THE MONEY!!"
13. "I'll do whatever it takes to help the team win" - This is a threat directed at the coaching staff that he'd better get some PT, or he'll mutate into Clubhouse Cancer #1. This athlete neglects to add, "Or else."
14. "I want to be part of a winning team" - This is an admission to the effect of, "Yes, my agent and I drastically overestimated my open-market value." Usually coming off his worst year, ever.
15. "God willing, Thank god" - I saved the best for last. These occur so often, that reporters just omit them. It's rare, indeed, if you can find an athlete or coach who doesn't mention these. "God Willing" translates into, "Hey, Heavenly Father, if you're not too busy flooding Bangladesh or moderating some holy war, could you give us a little hand on Sunday? At least help us out with the false start penalties." Apparently, his teammates are not to be relied upon. "Thank God" can be verbal or displayed with body language. A point to the heavens or a cross to the chest following a big play are ways of "Thanking God." Funny thing is, we never hear the "Thank God's after a loss or a lame effort. I suppose God already enough on his plate. Maybe that explains former Chief, Greg Hill and his raise-the-roof routine. It was his way of saying, "God, you gotta help, these three and four yard dinks ain't cutting it, man."

So I hope this helps, and I hope these translations bring light to the NFL dialect. Because that's all these people will give us. But where are the personalities? Someone who can shake things up; give us someone to hate, someone to love. Give us a reason to watch the Super Bowl, not just because it IS the Super Bowl. Personally, I couldn't stand that loud-mouthed, arrogant, but undeniably damn good, Denver Bronco, Shannon Sharpe. But I'll be the first to admit it, I wish he was still out there, mixin' it up.