Lorry drivers never cease to amuse my kind and me. They live in their own little world and are the exclusive members of the 56 mph club. We are all invited into this club when on a dual carriageway that means we have
no chance to pass them. What are the rules of this club? Well that is a hard question to answer because I drive like a normal person and manage to achieve 60 mph on a dual carriageway and as such am not allowed to enter said club. However, it is possible to guess at the rules and regulations. Lets attempt to list them shall we?
- If you own a vehicle that can muster a speed of over 56 mph you are not allowed entry into the club
- If you are a lorry driver and are a member (as you will be entitled to be) you must adhere to all rules, regardless of how dangerous you make driving behind you
- You will pull out at the last possible moment when you see a car travelling in the second lane at a reasonable speed to make sure they have to slam on their brakes to avoid a pile up
- When you have pulled out into the second lane you will make sure that for at least three miles you keep to the same speed as your fellow member in lane one, thus ensuring that you have a good build up of non members behind
- After your three miles has been done you will speed up to 57 mph and pray for a down hill stretch to aid you in this pursuit
There is another rule that lorry drivers seem to adhere to as well; when driving on the motorways they seem to try to get within 1 metre of the car in front. It must be that lorry drivers have super human reactions that allows them to think they can brake at that short a distance. Whilst travelling today I came upon road works on the M42. It was a fifty speed limit and thought I better slow down to a reasonable speed - in this case 55 mph. On went the cruise control and I slipped along at this speed.
Now bear in mind the 56 mph club rules and add one more: if the driver in front is doing less than 56 (yes kids that me in this case) you will sit up his arse. I could smell this guys breath he was that close. Now I could have speeded up, but I have 6 points on my license now, for speeding (no defence from me I was speeding) and I don't want any more. What did I do? Well actually in this case I stayed quite calm and sat at my 55 mph and let him sit there. I would have offered a Tic Tac, but I was all out.
Your Travelling Salesman - 25 Mar 2004
